I realize more and more each day that I'm not getting any younger. I can accept that, but I will also admit that I'm definitely not ready to grow old. I'm scared of that....
I'm also realizing that I lived a rather sheltered life as a kid. I'm not sure how I did that, since many of my memories of growing up included my parents being pretty well absent. Not in the way that they didn't care about me, but they worked hard, and they were often caught up in the things that were consuming their life that I was unaware of at the time. I did not live in a perfect home with a white picket fence like I thought I did. And, that's okay. And, somehow I survived...
However, I am now finding myself in a position as a Mom where I now have to make sure my kids do well, and make the best choices they can. I have been noticing that I'm the one now that works hard and gets caught up in the things that are consuming my life. I don't want to be that for them. I am different than my Mom in a many ways... I try to make sure I keep the lines of communication open with my kids. I share my life's experience with them and talk about how I understand what they are going through in their lives, at this point, and the age they're at. I know they think I'm crazy at times, and I know sometimes they think I don't understand. I do. I really really do. I want to be the best I can be for them. I want them to grow up to be strong and happy. I'm going to work harder to be a better parent. I need to do that... for them, for me.
RAMBLE. Yes... random thought, not at all.
Brooke is 14 and Brandon is 16. Soon, in the blink of an eye, they will be all grown up and I won't get a second chance to do this. I love them with all of my heart. There's no doubt about that.
