Life isn't easy. It's not something that just happens, and everything works out the way we want it to. It's hard work, it means we need to be dedicated, have a plan.... make a list, have priorities.. and not give up. If life was just easy, it would not in my opinion, be well, life........ This journey is different for us all.. and let's be brutally honest, it's a constant personal challenge.
Here is what I am currently facing in my journey:
My son. He's absolutely fabulous, but, he's not living up to his potential. He does fair in school, but he's often late. He has a bedroom that smells like a men's locker room, and he rarely keeps it clean. Sometimes it even scares me. I wonder if something has died in his room, or if a monster will slide out from under the bed and get me when I'm not looking.
He's not very physically active. He spends much of his free time entertaining himself on XBox live. He loves it, but it doesn't help him stay in shape. He needs to lose weight, it's beginning to bother him, I can tell. So, he's getting on track and starting a new program with me. He'll do well, but it will definitely take some effort and dedication. He needs to focus more, get more sleep... and, he needs to take care of his braces, so he isn't on the 20 year plan. This is my son.... I need to follow up more with him to help keep him on track, to be the best he can be, for him. Then, he has a chore. Not a list of them... just one. He needs to take the trash out. He's lazy about it, and he has to start paying more attention to it. I will be staying on him so he can learn to be more consistent. It's important. I love him... he's my world.
My Daughter. She is a handful. She's 14 years old going on 24. It's beginning to scare me just how boy crazy she is, and how she feels like she's in love with this one boy she's been crazy about for a long time. She's dong terrible in school, and her idea of going to school is all about drama with friends, and socializing with everyone. It's more important to her that her hair is done, and not her homework. It's out of control, and I realize that I have to put the breaks on it, and do a lot of follow up, and checking her stuff. She's a beautiful girl, but she is way beyond her time... and she wants to go and go, and leaves a mess behind. She is loving, but she has a side to her that sometimes makes me wonder who the heck she thinks she is. She needs to get her attitude in check, and start to think about how her behavior will affect her future. At 14, many kids don't think of the future, they are caught in today... and yet, the future is so important. I need to be a better role model for her and guide her the best that I can. It's not easy, but I have to get her in line before it's too late. And, right now, it's not too late. I will be making some changes within myself, so I can help her to grow up safe, and happy. She can't keep going on like she's been, and it's my job to make sure it happens. I love her... she's my world.
Me. I'm 43 and somehow over time, I have put on more weight than I could ever possibly feel comfortable with. I'm tried, I ave curves on top of curves, and I am finding that my clothes aren't looking or feeling the way I'd like them to. I hate to see myself in the mirror. Sometimes I look at myself and I wonder.. and ask, "What the hell happened"? It's affected me on so many levels, and I know I don't want to feel this way anymore. I have started a weight loss plan, and I've joined the gym, and have used it 2 days in a row since starting. I want to live a healthier lifestyle, and I want to feel damn sexy again, like I used to. I want to wake up with the energy I had a few years ago, and I don't want to feel so bad about myself that at times, I don't even want to leave the house and face the world.
I need to be a better Mother to my children, and I want them to thrive. I have been failing them lately, wrapped up in my own issues, and my own shot comings. It stops now. I will make some really positive changes, and I will influence them by my actions, not just my words. I will not fail, but I will fall down every now and then. I am not perfect, but I also have not been living up to my potential. Change is in the air... and I am there. It's not negotiable, it's just the way it's going to be. I will continue to be kind, and loving, and I will not raise my voice, or speak with mean and angry words, but I am seriously going to buckle down and make some serious changes, and keep a positive attitude, the very best I can. I will be accountable, and I will make sure that my children will be accountable for their actions, and their behavior. It's all going to be good, but, it's going to be work.... but, it's worth it, we're all worth it.
Life. It doesn't just come up roses and sunshine every single day. Sometimes it's cold, rainy, and miserable.... and then, the sun comes out and the warmth warms our souls. I am headed to that warm and sunny place, but it's going to take time, dedication, and I'm going to do it with my eyes and my heart, wide open.
This is my life. My journey. It's not the same as anyone else's, as we are all different people, with different stories.
Head up, and move forward. It's a process...a learning, growing..loving, process.....
Thank you for reading my blog posts. I appreciate it, because I am just a regular girl trying to live a decent and fulfilling life.
