Where on earth has this week gone? I keep thinking about how on Friday I'm going to E-Town and then Harrisburg on Saturday... and tomorrow is Friday!!!!
What a week it's been.
Brooke has hit her all time low, but on a positive note it seems she's coming back up. I am so happy about that, and I actually feel a little peace within the house and within my heart. She is my only daughter, my world. I have really been having a difficult time seeing her struggle the way she's been. It kills me inside. I feel like this is the time of her life that things are fun and easy, but thinking back, it wasn't that for me, so naturally, why would it be that for her? Being a teenage girl is so complicated and different than anyone who hasn't been there could ever imagine. I sat with her the other night and I opened up to her more than I ever have before. We connected on levels that I didn't expect to happen at this point in time, or at this age of her life. She totally was in tune with what I was saying, and I hope to god I made some sort of impact on her present situation in life.... I pray for her now more than ever, and I will continue to do so. I never believed in the power of prayer quite as much as I do today. I'm learning through things about myself right now through her struggles, and I'm embracing the changes with her. That has to mean something.
Freddy, Mara, and the kids left today. They are well into their journey back to Georgia. They spent the last 7 months up here and have gone through a lot of new experiences while they were here. They had their own place for the first time as a family, they were rich, they were poor. In the end, they learned that it takes constant hard team work and effort to reach their basic goals in life... and, nothing comes easy. They will go back to where they are most comfortable now, and hopefully with that, they will bring some knowledge from their experience here. Like I have said before, everything happens for a reason. We sometimes don't know what that reason is until years later, but I'm hopeful that they will figure it all out. Those kids are precious, and definitely worth working hard for to create a bright, happy, and healthy future for.
A lot going on at work again this week. The days flew by in the blink of an eye.
I enjoyed my time with Ilyn and our girl talk. She is my best friend at work. I can share anything and everything with her and I can do it knowing that I won't be judged at all. How many people can say the same thing about a special friend they have? I think it's rare, but very special. I count myself as very fortunate to have her in my life.
I'm doing really well with my new eating lifestyle. I have fallen short on the exercise this week, but considering all of the event's that took place this week, I'm not going to hard on myself at all. With a bunch of Doctor's appointments, cheer meetings, the things with Freddy and Brooke going on, work and life.. it's been a tough week to put that time aside for myself. Monday, I am back on the gym visits.. I really look forward to it.
Peace.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Hi.....
My name is Erin and tonight was a terrible night and a disaster...
The polic came to my home. Two of them. My family is in crisis.
We have a teen that we adore who is now in the hospital because of poor choices and cries for help. I pray that she will be okay.
My children have gone for the night to stay with at their uncle's house. My daugher is suffering from depression and she needs help. I am so upset and cried in my son's arms, as he cried with me.
I'm scared and I'm confused.
I want to be the best that I can be, and I have a lot to learn. Life isn't easy right now and I'm sick over the fact that I can't make it better for everyone.
Tonight was a huge eye opener. My family, although I love them, including myself, is highly dysfunctional. We need help. We're all going to see a therapist on Tuesday. It is not an option.
My life at this very moment feels like it's crumbling apart.....
Dear god please help me find the answers. Help me to get through this. I want the people I love to be safe and sound. I will do whatever it takes, I mean it. Whatever I need to do to help make things right... Please god help me.
My name is Erin and tonight was a terrible night and a disaster...
The polic came to my home. Two of them. My family is in crisis.
We have a teen that we adore who is now in the hospital because of poor choices and cries for help. I pray that she will be okay.
My children have gone for the night to stay with at their uncle's house. My daugher is suffering from depression and she needs help. I am so upset and cried in my son's arms, as he cried with me.
I'm scared and I'm confused.
I want to be the best that I can be, and I have a lot to learn. Life isn't easy right now and I'm sick over the fact that I can't make it better for everyone.
Tonight was a huge eye opener. My family, although I love them, including myself, is highly dysfunctional. We need help. We're all going to see a therapist on Tuesday. It is not an option.
My life at this very moment feels like it's crumbling apart.....
Dear god please help me find the answers. Help me to get through this. I want the people I love to be safe and sound. I will do whatever it takes, I mean it. Whatever I need to do to help make things right... Please god help me.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday
The sun wasn't shining very much today and it was a little chilly... and I thought it was Wednesday most of the day. For some reason, it was also a fairly emotionally day. I'm not sure why. Some days are just that way I suppose.
My diet. I'm doing fantastic if I do say so myself. I've been doing this new eating program for 4 entire weeks, and I'm 2 days into my 5th week and I've lost 12.8 lbs. I feel a lot better already. I'm bound and determined to get in a sexy bikini this summer :) And, I am looking forward to the two weddings I have to attend in May and June. In May I will go to a family weddings, and I'll see family members that I haven't seen in a long time. That should be really fun. I love my family so much and I'm so excited for my Aunt, who will be marrying the man of her dreams. I'm so happy for her. And then, in June I'll be attending my best friend's daughter's wedding. They will be getting married on a beach in Maryland. I look forward to being there for their celebration.
I need a pedicure. I haven't had one yet this year. I think I might treat myself this weekend. Maybe I'll have a nice Saturday morning "me" morning. I deserve it :)
My diet. I'm doing fantastic if I do say so myself. I've been doing this new eating program for 4 entire weeks, and I'm 2 days into my 5th week and I've lost 12.8 lbs. I feel a lot better already. I'm bound and determined to get in a sexy bikini this summer :) And, I am looking forward to the two weddings I have to attend in May and June. In May I will go to a family weddings, and I'll see family members that I haven't seen in a long time. That should be really fun. I love my family so much and I'm so excited for my Aunt, who will be marrying the man of her dreams. I'm so happy for her. And then, in June I'll be attending my best friend's daughter's wedding. They will be getting married on a beach in Maryland. I look forward to being there for their celebration.
I need a pedicure. I haven't had one yet this year. I think I might treat myself this weekend. Maybe I'll have a nice Saturday morning "me" morning. I deserve it :)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Busy day. Out of the ordinary, and different, but really good... on different levels.
Took the kids to the mall tonight. I rarely get time with them anymore. Teens limit their time with Mommy. It was nice :)
Life is interesting. It flies by in a flash, and if you blink, you miss a lot of good stuff. I want to savor more moments in my life. It's important.
Took the kids to the mall tonight. I rarely get time with them anymore. Teens limit their time with Mommy. It was nice :)
Life is interesting. It flies by in a flash, and if you blink, you miss a lot of good stuff. I want to savor more moments in my life. It's important.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I've been mentally and emotionally unavailable to blog for the past week...
sorry.
Now, I'm climbing back into it :) And, although I might still be mentally checked out(lol) I am emotionally well enough to blog. I have had some serious ass kickings over the past few weeks, months..
And then there's my boy. Who, again has some plans of moving, and thinks it's just that easy to do. He has no idea. It's not as simple as it may seem. It really isn't.... *sigh
I'll blog later. I can't do it now. I'm trying to wrap my head around some things right now over this Brandon thing.
sorry.
Now, I'm climbing back into it :) And, although I might still be mentally checked out(lol) I am emotionally well enough to blog. I have had some serious ass kickings over the past few weeks, months..
And then there's my boy. Who, again has some plans of moving, and thinks it's just that easy to do. He has no idea. It's not as simple as it may seem. It really isn't.... *sigh
I'll blog later. I can't do it now. I'm trying to wrap my head around some things right now over this Brandon thing.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Does anyone have anything else for me to absorb today??? Sure, go for it.... but like a ticking time bomb, I'm liable to explode.
I mean it. The thoughts in my head, well, they're not anything that you might want to hear today. So, let me be, just let me be...
I'm a kind, loving, warm hearted human being. I am not here to cause trouble or harm. I want to speak only kind words, so my apologies if I'm so quiet and withheld today. Sometimes it's just better that way...But don't think for a moment that I don't care, or that I am not aware of what's going on. Don't mistake me for some dumb bitch who hasn't a clue..because really, I do. I am well aware of what's going on.
"What else...??? What else..???what else..???" Are you serious?? Are you fucking serious????
I mean it. The thoughts in my head, well, they're not anything that you might want to hear today. So, let me be, just let me be...
I'm a kind, loving, warm hearted human being. I am not here to cause trouble or harm. I want to speak only kind words, so my apologies if I'm so quiet and withheld today. Sometimes it's just better that way...But don't think for a moment that I don't care, or that I am not aware of what's going on. Don't mistake me for some dumb bitch who hasn't a clue..because really, I do. I am well aware of what's going on.
"What else...??? What else..???what else..???" Are you serious?? Are you fucking serious????
My mental and emotional ass got kicked today.
I am considering taking up drinking as my new found happiness and hobby. You know it's bad when you're sitting beside the collection of wine in your livingroom and it looks really appealing at 10 a.m.
You know it's bad when you think you'd rather be at work than at home, facing the music.
You know it really sucks when you welcome your Parents in the driveway, when they called to show you their new car, and wanted to stop by with it.... and within moments you learn it's not really why they came, rather they stopped over to speak to me like I was their 8 year old kid again... and I'm really 43.
It's one of those days.
All I can think is "WTF"
You know it's drained you when you can't even accomplish the simple tasks you so easily do every other Sunday of your life When you don't even know how to approach the smallest job, and hanging laundry seems like a major production....
And then, you shower and go through the motions, but could give a shit if your hair is done....and that's not even me.
Yep....one hell of a crappy day.
Peace.
I am considering taking up drinking as my new found happiness and hobby. You know it's bad when you're sitting beside the collection of wine in your livingroom and it looks really appealing at 10 a.m.
You know it's bad when you think you'd rather be at work than at home, facing the music.
You know it really sucks when you welcome your Parents in the driveway, when they called to show you their new car, and wanted to stop by with it.... and within moments you learn it's not really why they came, rather they stopped over to speak to me like I was their 8 year old kid again... and I'm really 43.
It's one of those days.
All I can think is "WTF"
You know it's drained you when you can't even accomplish the simple tasks you so easily do every other Sunday of your life When you don't even know how to approach the smallest job, and hanging laundry seems like a major production....
And then, you shower and go through the motions, but could give a shit if your hair is done....and that's not even me.
Yep....one hell of a crappy day.
Peace.
Today is not Monday, but let's post this anyway...
YES...YES..YES, and a BIG FAT YES.
That's my final answer.
Sunday
Hello.
Sometimes I wish I could blog my deepest feelings and thoughts. But, I know in my heart that some of the things I think and feel should just be kept in my head where they remain safe.
Today, I am going to let a little out....
Last night I went to be feeling pretty sad. It's been a difficult few weeks, and I've had a lot of stuff weighing heavy on my head and my heart. I don't want to feel this way, but it's natural to, especially when things aren't going well. I also hate to go to sleep with sad feelings because I fear that if I never wake up, I've gone with sadness instead of joy.
Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever be right. Sometimes it feels like everyone is on such a different page in life. I sure wish it was easy, but life has proven itself to be not that way.
I always tell myself that things could be worse, and well, they could. But I'd love things to just feel at least a little "normal" once in awhile...and with that said, I'm not even really sure what "normal" is anymore.
It's Sunday. A day of rest and a day of peace. I hope it goes that way today. It would be nice to find a little peace in my home and in my heart. It's been a pretty negative weekend, and I'd like to see it come to a close with a few smiles, and some goodness. We'll see what happens.
Sometimes I wish I could blog my deepest feelings and thoughts. But, I know in my heart that some of the things I think and feel should just be kept in my head where they remain safe.
Today, I am going to let a little out....
Last night I went to be feeling pretty sad. It's been a difficult few weeks, and I've had a lot of stuff weighing heavy on my head and my heart. I don't want to feel this way, but it's natural to, especially when things aren't going well. I also hate to go to sleep with sad feelings because I fear that if I never wake up, I've gone with sadness instead of joy.
Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever be right. Sometimes it feels like everyone is on such a different page in life. I sure wish it was easy, but life has proven itself to be not that way.
I always tell myself that things could be worse, and well, they could. But I'd love things to just feel at least a little "normal" once in awhile...and with that said, I'm not even really sure what "normal" is anymore.
It's Sunday. A day of rest and a day of peace. I hope it goes that way today. It would be nice to find a little peace in my home and in my heart. It's been a pretty negative weekend, and I'd like to see it come to a close with a few smiles, and some goodness. We'll see what happens.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday
I did amazingly well at the gym today. I just took a super fantastic hot shower and I am now relaxing for a bit.
Things are still rocky in the family world, but I'm hopeful that everything will work out in time, and I'm confident that with a bit more effort, things will be better than ever. I want to be the best Mom I can be, and I am really working through some "stuff" right now.
I'm now into my 3rd solid week on my diet. I am totally kicking ass. I feel so much better already, and it felt really nice today when I observed others eating cheesecake and it wasn't a thing to me. I have been working so hard on my body that It would simply be a huge waste if I were to give in to a moment like that. This time it didn't even bother me. It looks like I'm out of the woods on that part of my program. That's not to say I won't crave things down the road, but it was very easy for me to resist today. YaY for me.
Other than that, the days are rolling on by. There have been glimpses of spring, but I'm really looking forward to the days ahead when it's just warm out, and nothing else. :)
Things are still rocky in the family world, but I'm hopeful that everything will work out in time, and I'm confident that with a bit more effort, things will be better than ever. I want to be the best Mom I can be, and I am really working through some "stuff" right now.
I'm now into my 3rd solid week on my diet. I am totally kicking ass. I feel so much better already, and it felt really nice today when I observed others eating cheesecake and it wasn't a thing to me. I have been working so hard on my body that It would simply be a huge waste if I were to give in to a moment like that. This time it didn't even bother me. It looks like I'm out of the woods on that part of my program. That's not to say I won't crave things down the road, but it was very easy for me to resist today. YaY for me.
Other than that, the days are rolling on by. There have been glimpses of spring, but I'm really looking forward to the days ahead when it's just warm out, and nothing else. :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
End of Week 2
I have officially lost 9 lbs on my new program. And, I have been to the gym 7 times in 2 weeks. I think I'm off to a pretty good start!!!
A lot going on at home, and a lot going on at work. It's going to be a busy week, I'm sure of it.
Today was okay. I have to admit, I am fairly exhausted from such a mentally hectic weekend. I would love things to just be fine and dandy, but it appears that isn't the case right now, and I'm pretty sad about it.
One thing I do know, things usually always have a way of working themseves out in the long run. So, I am doing my very best to keep my chin up and think positive. I remind myself that this too shall pass, and as long as I believe it, I am confident that it will happen.
One thing that is important, and I have to remind myself... everyone is healthy and to the best of my knowledge, fine in that sense. I know in my heart things could be a lot worse.
A lot going on at home, and a lot going on at work. It's going to be a busy week, I'm sure of it.
Today was okay. I have to admit, I am fairly exhausted from such a mentally hectic weekend. I would love things to just be fine and dandy, but it appears that isn't the case right now, and I'm pretty sad about it.
One thing I do know, things usually always have a way of working themseves out in the long run. So, I am doing my very best to keep my chin up and think positive. I remind myself that this too shall pass, and as long as I believe it, I am confident that it will happen.
One thing that is important, and I have to remind myself... everyone is healthy and to the best of my knowledge, fine in that sense. I know in my heart things could be a lot worse.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday in E-Town
-------------------------
I AM NOT A MIDGET & HE IS NOT A GIANT, BUT THIS PICTURE WOULD SAY DIFFERENT.
-------------------------
EXHAUTSTED YELLOW GIRL
------------------------
FIRE AT STEVE AND BONNIE'S
----------------------
CHURCH ALONG THE SIDE OF THE ROAD OUT OF MY CAR WINDOW
---------------------
BRIDGE HEADING TOWARDS MECHANICSBURG
I AM NOT A MIDGET & HE IS NOT A GIANT, BUT THIS PICTURE WOULD SAY DIFFERENT.
-------------------------
EXHAUTSTED YELLOW GIRL
------------------------
FIRE AT STEVE AND BONNIE'S
----------------------
CHURCH ALONG THE SIDE OF THE ROAD OUT OF MY CAR WINDOW
---------------------
BRIDGE HEADING TOWARDS MECHANICSBURG
Hardly slept last night :(
I need to get through this..
I love my daughter so much and had such an incredible talk with her yesterday.. And then, Boom. I wonder if anything I said meant anything to her. I pray that she retained something.
Anyway, I'm off to the flea Market with my besties. I am glad I can blog while we drive....will post more shortly..need to keep my head busy.
I need to get through this..
I love my daughter so much and had such an incredible talk with her yesterday.. And then, Boom. I wonder if anything I said meant anything to her. I pray that she retained something.
Anyway, I'm off to the flea Market with my besties. I am glad I can blog while we drive....will post more shortly..need to keep my head busy.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Hi
I'm in Elizabethtown for the weekend. I am SO freakin' glad to be out of town!!
Today was insane. So many crazy things happening, I was afraid if I didn't get away, I'd go crazy. Seriously.....
I hardly ate today. I know I didn't eat all that I was supposed to. But, now I feel good. On the way to Jimm and Monica's we stopped at Sonic. I had a grilled chicken sadnwich on a whole wheat bun, no mayo. It was perfect. SO, today.. all I ate was a little yogurt, 1 cup of All Bran cereal, and the chicken. And, I'm fine. :)
I am looking forward to tomorrow...
Flea Market, looking at a house, getting lottery tickets for the powerball, and going to Hollywood Casino with Jimm, Monica, Fred, and meeting some friends of theirs over there.
I'm just happy to be away...
I had the worst April's fool joke EVER played on me, and I also got some other disturbing news... It's a wonder I'm not 2 bottles into my way to a major wine drunk. Instead, I'm drinking my flavored water and relaxing on my recliner at my best friends house. :)
I'm going to take pictures with my new camera, and try to keep up with my blogging this weekend.
Life is like a test....
and, I'm determined to pass.
Peace.
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