Tuesday

The sun wasn't shining very much today and it was a little chilly... and I thought it was Wednesday most of the day. For some reason, it was also a fairly emotionally day. I'm not sure why. Some days are just that way I suppose.

My diet. I'm doing fantastic if I do say so myself. I've been doing this new eating program for 4 entire weeks, and I'm 2 days into my 5th week and I've lost 12.8 lbs. I feel a lot better already. I'm bound and determined to get in a sexy bikini this summer :) And, I am looking forward to the two weddings I have to attend in May and June. In May I will go to a family weddings, and I'll see family members that I haven't seen in a long time. That should be really fun. I love my family so much and I'm so excited for my Aunt, who will be marrying the man of her dreams. I'm so happy for her. And then, in June I'll be attending my best friend's daughter's wedding. They will be getting married on a beach in Maryland. I look forward to being there for their celebration.

I need a pedicure. I haven't had one yet this year. I think I might treat myself this weekend. Maybe I'll have a nice Saturday morning "me" morning. I deserve it :)

Busy day. Out of the ordinary, and different, but really good... on different levels.

Took the kids to the mall tonight. I rarely get time with them anymore. Teens limit their time with Mommy. It was nice :)

Life is interesting. It flies by in a flash, and if you blink, you miss a lot of good stuff. I want to savor more moments in my life. It's important.

Monday's Thought Provoking Question

I've been mentally and emotionally unavailable to blog for the past week...
sorry.

Now, I'm climbing back into it :) And, although I might still be mentally checked out(lol) I am emotionally well enough to blog. I have had some serious ass kickings over the past few weeks, months..

And then there's my boy. Who, again has some plans of moving, and thinks it's just that easy to do. He has no idea. It's not as simple as it may seem. It really isn't.... *sigh

I'll blog later. I can't do it now. I'm trying to wrap my head around some things right now over this Brandon thing.

Bucket List

One more thing accomplished that I can check off on my bucket list.

:)

Does anyone have anything else for me to absorb today??? Sure, go for it.... but like a ticking time bomb, I'm liable to explode.

I mean it. The thoughts in my head, well, they're not anything that you might want to hear today. So, let me be, just let me be...

I'm a kind, loving, warm hearted human being. I am not here to cause trouble or harm. I want to speak only kind words, so my apologies if I'm so quiet and withheld today. Sometimes it's just better that way...But don't think for a moment that I don't care, or that I am not aware of what's going on. Don't mistake me for some dumb bitch who hasn't a clue..because really, I do. I am well aware of what's going on.

"What else...??? What else..???what else..???" Are you serious?? Are you fucking serious????

My mental and emotional ass got kicked today.

I am considering taking up drinking as my new found happiness and hobby. You know it's bad when you're sitting beside the collection of wine in your livingroom and it looks really appealing at 10 a.m.

You know it's bad when you think you'd rather be at work than at home, facing the music.

You know it really sucks when you welcome your Parents in the driveway, when they called to show you their new car, and wanted to stop by with it.... and within moments you learn it's not really why they came, rather they stopped over to speak to me like I was their 8 year old kid again... and I'm really 43.

It's one of those days.

All I can think is "WTF"

You know it's drained you when you can't even accomplish the simple tasks you so easily do every other Sunday of your life When you don't even know how to approach the smallest job, and hanging laundry seems like a major production....

And then, you shower and go through the motions, but could give a shit if your hair is done....and that's not even me.

Yep....one hell of a crappy day.

Peace.

2 weeks and 6 days and I'm down 10.6 lbs.

Looks like something good is happening here.

Tomorrow is my weigh in, but today it feels good to post this.

So, when you go to the store and you pick up a 10 pound bag of potato's, or two 5 pound bags, that's how much I've lost.

YAY me!

Today is not Monday, but let's post this anyway...

YES...YES..YES, and a BIG FAT YES.

That's my final answer.

Without a single doubt in my mind, I must make some positive and permanent changes in my life.

Sunday

Hello.

Sometimes I wish I could blog my deepest feelings and thoughts. But, I know in my heart that some of the things I think and feel should just be kept in my head where they remain safe.
Today, I am going to let a little out....
Last night I went to be feeling pretty sad. It's been a difficult few weeks, and I've had a lot of stuff weighing heavy on my head and my heart. I don't want to feel this way, but it's natural to, especially when things aren't going well. I also hate to go to sleep with sad feelings because I fear that if I never wake up, I've gone with sadness instead of joy.
Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever be right. Sometimes it feels like everyone is on such a different page in life. I sure wish it was easy, but life has proven itself to be not that way.

I always tell myself that things could be worse, and well, they could. But I'd love things to just feel at least a little "normal" once in awhile...and with that said, I'm not even really sure what "normal" is anymore.

It's Sunday. A day of rest and a day of peace. I hope it goes that way today. It would be nice to find a little peace in my home and in my heart. It's been a pretty negative weekend, and I'd like to see it come to a close with a few smiles, and some goodness. We'll see what happens.

Tuesday

I did amazingly well at the gym today. I just took a super fantastic hot shower and I am now relaxing for a bit.

Things are still rocky in the family world, but I'm hopeful that everything will work out in time, and I'm confident that with a bit more effort, things will be better than ever. I want to be the best Mom I can be, and I am really working through some "stuff" right now.

I'm now into my 3rd solid week on my diet. I am totally kicking ass. I feel so much better already, and it felt really nice today when I observed others eating cheesecake and it wasn't a thing to me. I have been working so hard on my body that It would simply be a huge waste if I were to give in to a moment like that. This time it didn't even bother me. It looks like I'm out of the woods on that part of my program. That's not to say I won't crave things down the road, but it was very easy for me to resist today. YaY for me.

Other than that, the days are rolling on by. There have been glimpses of spring, but I'm really looking forward to the days ahead when it's just warm out, and nothing else. :)

How could anyone intentionally give someone a brain injury on purpose???? I absolutely have no idea what people are thinking!!!!
It can affect your entire life.
People are so messed up. One blow to the head could ruin a life....
Even end one.

End of Week 2

I have officially lost 9 lbs on my new program. And, I have been to the gym 7 times in 2 weeks. I think I'm off to a pretty good start!!!

A lot going on at home, and a lot going on at work. It's going to be a busy week, I'm sure of it.

Today was okay. I have to admit, I am fairly exhausted from such a mentally hectic weekend. I would love things to just be fine and dandy, but it appears that isn't the case right now, and I'm pretty sad about it.

One thing I do know, things usually always have a way of working themseves out in the long run. So, I am doing my very best to keep my chin up and think positive. I remind myself that this too shall pass, and as long as I believe it, I am confident that it will happen.

One thing that is important, and I have to remind myself... everyone is healthy and to the best of my knowledge, fine in that sense. I know in my heart things could be a lot worse.

Monday's Thought Provoking Question

Saturday in E-Town

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I AM NOT A MIDGET & HE IS NOT A GIANT, BUT THIS PICTURE WOULD SAY DIFFERENT.



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EXHAUTSTED YELLOW GIRL




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FIRE AT STEVE AND BONNIE'S



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CHURCH ALONG THE SIDE OF THE ROAD OUT OF MY CAR WINDOW


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BRIDGE HEADING TOWARDS MECHANICSBURG

Taking pictures with my new camera. YaY, I will have some of my own photos to post again.

Hardly slept last night :(
I need to get through this..
I love my daughter so much and had such an incredible talk with her yesterday.. And then, Boom. I wonder if anything I said meant anything to her. I pray that she retained something.
Anyway, I'm off to the flea Market with my besties. I am glad I can blog while we drive....will post more shortly..need to keep my head busy.

Holy shit.....
Its gotten worse than all day bad....
I don't know how I will deal with it. :(
Everyone is safe..nobody is hurt...
Will post more with a clear head tomorrow.
Lord, give me strength.
I love my girl, but tonight she pushed me to the limit.

Hi

I'm in Elizabethtown for the weekend. I am SO freakin' glad to be out of town!!

Today was insane. So many crazy things happening, I was afraid if I didn't get away, I'd go crazy. Seriously.....

I hardly ate today. I know I didn't eat all that I was supposed to. But, now I feel good. On the way to Jimm and Monica's we stopped at Sonic. I had a grilled chicken sadnwich on a whole wheat bun, no mayo. It was perfect. SO, today.. all I ate was a little yogurt, 1 cup of All Bran cereal, and the chicken. And, I'm fine. :)

I am looking forward to tomorrow...
Flea Market, looking at a house, getting lottery tickets for the powerball, and going to Hollywood Casino with Jimm, Monica, Fred, and meeting some friends of theirs over there.

I'm just happy to be away...

I had the worst April's fool joke EVER played on me, and I also got some other disturbing news... It's a wonder I'm not 2 bottles into my way to a major wine drunk. Instead, I'm drinking my flavored water and relaxing on my recliner at my best friends house. :)

I'm going to take pictures with my new camera, and try to keep up with my blogging this weekend.

Life is like a test....
and, I'm determined to pass.

Peace.

Totally broken and exhausted......

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I'm so headed there!!!! So what if I can hardly walk when I leave the gym. LOL

Happy Wednesday. I am almost to the end, and I'm gonna make it. I had a crappy start to my day, but it worked out okay, and I'm home relaxing.

Survivor is on tonight. I hope I don't fall asleep at the end like I did last week. I've been really pushing myself. Why not? I'm not doing anything else right now.

Wednesday...

Ugh.

I must make it through this day..

My relationship with "Gym"

I have a love/hate relationship with "Gym". I love seeing you, however, I sometimes hate the thought of going to you. When I'm with you, it's a challenge, but you make me feel so hot.. you even make me break a sweat almost in an instant.
When we part, I feel satisfied, but sore and achy. However, I miss you almost right away. Oh "Gym", how I long to have a lasting, meaningful relationship with you. I am committed to you, and I hope we last for a long time. I need you to be patient, but keep on my ass, ya hear me? Because I truly need you in my life. Without you, I wouldn't have the energy I need, and that's sad... Thank you, "Gym" for being in my life. :) You will be so proud of me in the near future, as you inspire me to keep going so I can be strong and sexy and full of life. Thank you for that.

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So, that's the hot news in my life. My new relationship with "Gym".

I have been really focused and really doing well. Today I pushed myself to the limit. I went in not wanting to even get started, but once I did, I couldn't stop. I did my cardio like a champ, and I did my 30 minutes on a major incline, max - 10, for almost the whole workout. It's not easy, and I was dripping wet, but it was so great and felt so satisfying. I really enjoyed myself.

After that, I did my weight machines. I did all of the arm machines and most of the leg ones. Today I added 2 machines to my workout. That was a huge accomplishment. I was tired, but I kept going. I sometimes focus on my goal to keep myself motivated. It seems to really make a difference. This summer I want to feel like I'd rather be in my swimsuit, or totally naked, over wearing clothes. I can be a real free spirit, and I have really tall fences in my back yard, and a great pool. :) Last year I went nude a few times, but I was not feeling the way I wanted. This year will be a different story.

When I go to Bermuda, I want to swim naked in the beautiful blue sea. I want to feel the water all through my body, and love every second of it. On my cruise I want to wake up with a ton of energy, and never feel weighed down by heavy meals. I would love to get up early and walk the track on the top of the ship, then go into the fitness center and sit in the hot tub, and feel amazing. Of course I'll be feeling for the jets, and I'll place myself over it as I always do. :) lol

I am confident that I will follow through and take this all the way. I only live once, I have to make it count. No better time than the present. I'm on the job!

And, while I'm on the subject, I want to wear a crochet bikini. AND, feel sexy in it. I am totally serious. I also want to wear some really cute cut off jean shorts, nice short ones. Of course I will keep it classy, when I have to (smile).

So, there you are.... that's where I am tonight, in my mind. :)

Peace.

What a great workout!!!!!! I am still feeling it in a big way!!!! Weak and a little shaky, but all for a good cause. I'm gonna be soooo bootylicious!!!!!! It's definitely not easy, but it's worth each and every minute that I'm investing in this body of mine. When I'm finally at my goal, I'm going to wear the cutest, most sexy bikini possible!!!!!

Work was light today, and I was okay with that. With my job, I'm either really busy with crazy deadlines, OR, it's peaceful and rather quiet. I wouldn't mind another quiet weekend!!!!!

I got home tonight and noticed the van wasn't here. Freddy's car is broken down again. I hope it's nothing major. I have to get up early enough to be ready to take Fred to work in the morning. I'm doing well with getting up now that I have more energy and am eating better. I just have to get out the door by 7:45. I'm totally a morning person, once I get startd!!!!!

So, it looks like we're going to E-town this weekend. I love spending time with my best girlfriend. She is such an incredible friend and I love her very much!!!! I hope we find something fun to do. If it's not too cold out, we may check out the caves that we bought tickets for. I hope that I can go in. I am so scared.... but want to see it really badly.

I'm a little exhausted tonight.

I had all these things I wanted to blog about but for some reason I have just drawn a blank, I will come back to it if I remember what it all was.

Monday's Thought Provoking Question

Hello

It's Sunday night and I am completely exhausted!!!!

I worked my booty off today. And, in the process, I learned something about myself..
I own WAY to many clothes. Oh my....
I thought I would organize some things in my closets, store some winter stuff, break out some spring clothes, etc..etc... I am beyond ridiculous about how much clothing I actually own. I am pretty confident that I could wear a different outfit each day for a year. AND, I am certain I could do the same with panties.
It literally took me all day to get things in order. I mean, seasonal, colors, types, work vs. casual vs. dressy vs. average...etc...
I know it may not sound like a lot of work, but it really was.
lol - hours and hours and hours. I have a lot of beautiful dresses, too! I can't wait to wear them this spring and summer!!!

This weekend was fairly uneventful. Brandon had Mike, Chris and John spend the night on Saturday, and Brooke was on the run with Tyler Friday and Saturday, and went to The Sixers game today with Haley and her parents. I told her to pay attention to how cool it was going to be to see the players. If you haven't gone to a pro basketball game, it's quite an experience to see. TALL... very very tall. They almost look fake. :)

Mom and Dad were supposed to come for Dinner tonight, but Dad wasn't feeling well. He's on a lot of medication, and has a pace maker, so I thought he would be all fixed up. Sometimes I worry about him. I hope he's okay. I'm glad we're only a few miles away from them, and I know they know we're always here if they need us.

I'm feeling really good. I can't believe how excited I actually am about going to the gym tomorrow after work. LOL. I've already put my gym bag in the car so if I'm in a rush tomorrow, I won't forget it. I think I'll go the same days this week. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. And, next week, if my hip is up and ready for it, I am going to take a spinning class. I'm gonna get my round booty in shape in no time. Sexy is back in town, so you better watch out!!!!!

Next weekend is already something I'm trying to figure out. We'll be getting together with Jimm and Monica, but we're not sure if we'll be going there or they'll be coming here. I'm always up for hitting the road, so we'll have to see what we all come up with. I had connected with someone who was going to be celebrating her Birthday at a Country Western Bar that will have a mechanical bull next Saturday, BUT, it turns out that it's way far, and not something we can do from here or from Jimm and Monica's. So, I'll have to tell her we can't make it. I don't know if I'll ever find the opportunity to ride a mechanical bull. Maybe it's for the best. I don't want to get hurt. Fred calls me "Grace"... He sorta teases me because I'm not the most graceful girl around.. but hey, I'm doing much much better. I will definitely keep my eyes out for a place to go with the bull, even if I just get to watch :)

I've been thinking a lot about heading out to the club sometime in the near future. I'm feeling a lot better since the winter is pretty much behind us, and I'm doing better things for myself. I'd love to go spend a weekend out there, and one night at the club. I am spreading the word to some of my girlfriends out in the Harrisburg area, and they all want to go. It would be nice to have us all in one place for a night again... those WERE the days. :) I miss my girltime so bad!

I can't believe it's almost April! March flew by like crazy. I am scared sometimes about how quickly time seems to be passing. I want to enjoy every day of it, so ... slow down!!!!

Not sure what I have in store for me this week at work. I hope it's a fairly good and productive week. I hope it will be sunny and warm sometime soon. I might watch the weather tonight to see what's going on. I miss spring. Sometimes, it goes from freezing cold to burning hot. I am not a fan of the hot hot summer.. so spring is something I love.. I hope we don't miss it this year.

Feeling good. Frisky naughty good. I love that. I have to keep those damn white carbs out of my life. I swear they cause me depression. As soon as I quit eating sugar and white carbs, I feel like a million bucks....

Everything else is going pretty well. I am still thinking about planning a party at the house. I think a poker party would be fun. I might be really daring and put out an open invite on facebook. Not to likely that 290 or so people would all show up... hmmmm, that would be crazy. I do want to open my social circle up a little more. Bring in a good mix of old friends, new friends, etc... that's my goal. Let's see how it goes!

I've slacked a little on my blogging. That is also something I need to pick up on a bit. I always have a lot to say, but lately I've been wrapped up in other things in life and haven't gotten the chance to sit down and throw my thoughts out on blogging... I miss it, therefore, I am back on it. I know there's a reason for it, and I so must do it.

I watched a little bit of that Napoleon Dynamite movie this morning. What a great way to start the day. It made me smile and laugh... However, there was a part of the movie that got to me. It's funny how music can affect us in life. Years can pass, and life moves along, and then you hear a song that you knew from years and years ago, and suddenly you are living in that moment. Happy, sad, good or bad, it comes right to the surface of the memory. For me, songs and scents are so powerful when it comes to jogging my memory. And, for anyone who knows me, I worry about losing the memory, and my mind... and when things come to me... it reminds me that I'm just fairly normal, and my brain is okay. Today I had one of those moments.

This laptop is so hot on my lap it's making me sweat. LOL.

So, there we have it. I may not have covered it all, what I did this whole weekend, but I sure did still have a lot to say.

Peace.

Sunday Morning

Wow... I got up, hopped on the scale, and saw an amazing loss. I have now reached a 7 pound weight loss in six days. I'm shocked, and proud at the same time. YAY me! I am truly working really hard at this, and although I've had a couple tough moments, I haven't had any major challenges. Whew.. week one is always the most difficult.

post more later....

Happy Friday

Hello and Happy Friday!!!

I had a decent week. Nothing major to say about it other than I totally kicked ass in the gym and on my diet! Yay me, and YAY to Fred who prepared each and every bit of food that went into my mouth. I am not, I repeat... I am NOT going off of this program until I reach the attainable goal I have set for myself in my head. I'm not exactly sure what the number will be on the scale, but I do know how I want to look.
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY for a huge success for me during my first week. Now, weekends are usually a little tough, but this is gonna be a breeze, I can feel it already.

Okay, again.... what's with this cold weather??? Last Sunday was the first day of spring. I'm not understanding this at all. :)

I am currently sitting on my couch with my snuggie on. I thought that I would actually be sitting out back looking at the pool at this point. Nope, it's just way too cold out for that!!!!

I'm excited to see what my numbers will be on Monday. I will post as soon I Monday comes. I'm definitely not trying to push time ahead, I'm just excited is all.

I've been thinking a lot about Long Island lately. I really do need to take a day trip there and check out my old home town. I can't get it out of my head lately. I know that means I need to go visit there for a day or so. Maybe I will call my Dad to see if he wants to ride out there with me for the day. That would be really nice. Then he could do his thing, and I could do mine while we're there, and we could visit with each other on the way there and the way back. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. I think I'll talk to him about it on Sunday.

What else? Work was fine this week. It was actually a little light on the work. I have everything caught up, and I'm all set and situated in my spot. It's really not a bad spot for me after all.

I got to visit a little with Maryfaith today during lunch. That was really nice. She is one of my very favorite people at Rider. We really confide in one another and share stories and stuff that I don't often share with other friends. I'm grateful to have her in my life.

What's up for the weekend? I'm really not sure right now.... but, I think it will be a nice weekend.
:)

Any good movies to watch?? I'm sort of in the mood for some good old love stories... Maybe I'll line some good one's up on Netflix and watch a marathon of them tonight, or soon. I love me some good older movies.... One that I really loved is called "While you were Sleeping"....... maybe that is on instant queue.